Laugh. Love. Live.

14 May 2009 @ 12:29 am

soo its been a really long time but i need to get out all the shit that is rattling around in my brain..
probly gonna be alot of private posts but deff some public ones.

here goes try 1009875 of updating on the regular.
-rae

Leave a comment

14 October 2008 @ 02:03 am

in the glare of headlights <--prompt

in the glare of headlights, you come face to face with who you are.
no running away, that split second of "oh fuck" snaps you back into reality.
jump or stay? thats the ultimate question.

Current Mood:

awake

Leave a comment

05 September 2008 @ 09:36 am

i get on the beats and let my soul bleed..

its been soo long since ive wrote in here. i miss writting sometimes but everything has been so hectic. my car in the shop and they fixed it but im working on getting a new one. something that isnt broke or bout to breakdown. anyway.

im at thispoint where i am trying to get my shit together and im okay with shit, im just tired of everything hitting me all at once. "when it rains, it pours"..i cant believe cay is in the hospital, its scary. i dont know what i would do if she died.

"i can taste you on my lips and smell you in my clothes"

i think im gonna walk to mars ughh..im starving.
im in a chill mood today..im jamming to lil wayne and RHCP weird mix but i lovee it lol

hmm i think later ill post more

Current Mood:

hungry

Leave a comment

08 August 2008 @ 10:48 pm

im gone.

im fucked up.
drunk and high.
its amazing.

i love this feeling.
not drunk, not too high. just right.
where everything is beautiful.
i dont have to worry, not have to wonder.
i am me, my crazy, fucked up, sad, happy self.
this right here is me,. rachel.

liking someone but not knowing.
loving someone and hating.
being siappointed and happy.
my life is in the gray. no black and white.
thats an addict for you.

i am at that point me.
the fucked up bitch that skipped my mom and to me.
i love this side, but at the same time despise it.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder. i am past that.
i cant funtion without makeup and pills, without weed.
i need a seady high to be happu. but thats sad.
i want to be me without drugs or beer.
im letting everyone down and lying but, where am i?
in in my lowest low, but pride is i cant take help.

i love the happy me.
see me now? here i am?the real me..
ask what you will.

love, the one and only, Rae
<33

Current Mood:

crazy

Leave a comment

30 July 2008 @ 12:36 am

Writer's Block: Cramming Yourself into a Sentence

Try to describe yourself in one sentence.

View 501 Answers

I am a fucking wicked crazy, loving, off the wall person.

haha that work?

Tags: writer's block

Leave a comment

30 July 2008 @ 12:34 am

Writer's Block: Feeling Better

What makes you feel better when you're mad?

Submitted By kimmayeisblack

View 500 Answers

driving while blasting music..

and a blunt is alwayysss good

Tags: writer's block

Leave a comment

30 July 2008 @ 12:00 am

(no subject)

How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language that you can't read - just yet
You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart

There are days when outside your window, I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective, when we'll be lovers, lovers at last
You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart

I will possess your heart

You reject my advances and desperate pleas
I won't let you, let me down so easily, so easily

You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart

I will possess your heart

hmmm where the fuck to begin. i havent wrote anything in almost a month. wow.
im in this mood where i want to stay high and not come down.
i need some serious uppers or something. i am hating life right now.
i fucking hate people. i am tired of being let down.
i am scared of being hurt again. so im not going there again.
i started opening up again and i cant do it. im done.

me and tristan arent talking hardly anymore and that hurts.
but he wasnt on the same page i was. i need security. i need trust.
tawon and me still talk sometimes but its hard. i dont want to.

me and matt are dating i guess i dont know..
i cant trust. i wont go that far again.
i hate talking about feelings.

friends i was extremely close to, im hardly talking to.
and when i do its not the same..
it feels strained and wrong.
im glad i have shannon in my life otherwise id be nuts.
'sick + sick= sicker' lol

ill problyy write more later. icant right now.

Current Mood:

aggravated

1 comment | Leave a comment

28 June 2008 @ 10:01 pm

thanks for the memories even though they werent so great

i miss tawon, i feel like myself the most when i am with him. i dont feel that anymore, even when i talked to him the other day.
i cant be friends with him without always wanting more..fuck me.
i am seriously thinking about moving to south carolina after school. ive talked about it with my mom and everything. i just need to start over or something.
i have no idea whats up with me and tristan, i dont know. i really like him, but i need more effort? ugh
i need money like a motherfucker, i put all my tax money to bills. so now the rest is going to pay off the puppies and the rest of my credit card then hopefully everything will chill out. im so over life at this moment.
i need a drink and a blunt. thats the only think that will help my mood right now. or a good sex session. haha.
kissing is one thing, mind blowing sex usually always helps the mood. whore statement of the year?

Current Mood:

awake

Leave a comment

05 June 2008 @ 09:53 am

(no subject)

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars

No handlebars
No handlebars

Look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
ALIVE
and I'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy
I can show you how to do-si-do
I can show you how to scratch a record
I can take apart the remote control
And I can almost put it back together
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem
I can tell you about Leif Ericson
I know all the words to "De Colores"
And "I'm Proud to be an American"
Me and my friend saw a platypus
Me and my friend made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want cuz, look:

I can keep rhythm with no metronome
No metronome
No metronome

I can see your face on the telephone
On the telephone
On the telephone

Look at me
Look at me
Just called to say that it's good to be
ALIVE
In such a small world
All curled up with a book to read
I can make money open up a thrift store
I can make a living off a magazine
I can design an engine sixty four
Miles to a gallon of gasoline
I can make new antibiotics
I can make computers survive aquatic conditions
I know how to run a business
And I can make you wanna buy a product
Movers shakers and producers
Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no assistance
I can lead a nation with a microphone
With a microphone
With a microphone
I can split the atoms of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule

Look at me
Look at me
Driving and I won't stop
And it feels so good to be
Alive and on top
My reach is global
My tower secure
My cause is noble
My power is pure
I can hand out a million vaccinations
Or let'em all die in exasperation
Have'em all grilled leavin lacerations
Have'em all killed by assassination
I can make anybody go to prison
Just because I don't like'em and
I can do anything with no permission
I have it all under my command
I can guide a missile by satellite
By satellite
By satellite
and I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope
and I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handle bars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

Current Mood:

awake

Leave a comment

30 May 2008 @ 11:13 pm

if i never see your face again..

i am just so over of feeling like this. my heart hurts. its all hitting me like a pound of bricks. i was numbing myself to it all but i cant anymore. i fucking love him but hate him at the same time, i love him. he fucked everything up. i made mistakes but i would never hurt someone like that. im tired of being used. im way to nice to people i think. i dont talk to anyone anymore really about whats going on cause really i am at the point where i dont trust them. i fucking cant stand people anymore. i just want to sleep and cry and say fuck it. im so unhappy. i have no motivation. i want changes in my life but im to scared to do it. i am discusted with myself. i cant stop crying today. i think my anger is hiding my saddness. i hateee crying in front of people. i rather them think i was a bitch then "the girl who cries all the time" im sobbing right now. i havent cried in forever. ive lost faith in everything especially myself. smoking isnt working either i get high then i kinda stop thinking about everything but i find it in the strangest things. i just want to get fucked up.

god i fucking hate this.
ughhhh.

Current Mood:

depressed

Leave a comment

26 May 2008 @ 10:40 pm

im sorry for the way i am

"I'm still in love with who I wish you were."
~Kate Voegele

this couldnt be any more true. why the hell did this all happen?
i thought my shit was working out ya know? it sent me for a loop. but i kinda like where ive ended up. i feel stronger, but im so not trusting anymore. my heart is slowly mending.

im super confused over what i want..i really want everything and nothing. i just hate feeling like shit about myself & my life.

i feel super emo..i hate it!

Current Mood:

high

Leave a comment

25 May 2008 @ 11:31 pm

(no subject)

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you

And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

im just chillin here watching diners, drives and dive-ins. ive seriously been in such a weird mood lately. im secluding myself but i really dont want to be alone..its fucking weird. i just like being around someone and having mindless chitchat.. i cant wait to go on vacation. i need some beach time. im just rambling anymore.. blahhh

Current Mood:

mellow

Leave a comment

22 May 2008 @ 11:58 am

dont tell me your sorry cause your not..

i miss this..the only thing is i dont think i could stick it out..
i hate what he did to me and i cant forgive him no matter how much i try..
and really there is no reason for me to forgive him.

its just so hard for me to not be with tawon.
i really like tristan and someone else..
what to do what to do..

i just cant do it anymore.
i feel like im going insane. i miss my old self.
i dont want to do anything anymore. im angry all the time.
i honestly have no desire to talk to anyone, about anything.
im just over people in general.

i hate feeling broken down and lazy i guess.
i have no desire to do anything, i just want to sleep.

i fucking hate myself. how the fuck did i get back here.

i need something..

How bout a round of a plause?
Standin Ovasion...
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

You look so dumb right now
Standin' outside my house
Tryin to apologize
You're so ugly when you cry
(Please)
Just cut it out

Don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show
You really had me goin
But now it's time to go
Curtains finally closin
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

Grab your clothes and get gone
(You better hurry up)
Before the sprinklers come on
Talkin' bout "Girl, I love you you're the one..."
This just looks like a re-run
(Please)
What else is on?

And don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not
Baby when i know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show
You really had me goin'
But now it's time to go
Curtains finally closin
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

And the award for the best liar goes to you
For makin' me believe
That you could be
Faithful to me
Let's hear your speech
oh...

How bout a round of a plause?
Standin Ovasion...

But you put on quite a show
You really had me goin'
But now it's time to go
Curtains finally closin'
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

But it's over now...

Current Mood:

depressed

Leave a comment

07 May 2008 @ 03:15 pm

Writer's Block: It's Too Late to Apologize

Has anyone ever done something so horrible to you that "I'm sorry" couldn't fix it?

View 500 Answers

yes. my ex cheated on me. i couldnt get over it. sorry doesnt always work.

Tags: writer's block

Leave a comment

26 April 2008 @ 01:40 am

pretty much

my lips are numb. my face is numb.

im gone..its great. i cant think, im flying. i miss this feeling.
nineteen is an amazing song..i cant get outta my head.

im confused..god help me!

Current Mood:

confused

Leave a comment

19 April 2008 @ 04:09 am

(no subject)

I am an old woman
Named after my mother
My old man is another
Child that's grown old

If dreams were thunder
And lightnin' was desire
This old house would'a burned down
A long time ago

Make me an angel, to fly from Montgomery
Make me a poster, of an old rodeo
Just give me one thing, I can hold onto
To believe in this living is just a, hard way to go

When I was a young girl
I had me a cowboy
He wasn't much to look at
Just a free ramblin' man

Aw, but that was a long time
And no matter how I try
Those years they just flow by
Like a broken-down dam

Make me an angel, to fly from Montgomery
Make me a poster, of an old rodeo
Just give me one thing, I can hold onto
To believe in this living is just a, hard way to go

There's flies in the kitchen
I can hear 'em a-buzzin
But I ain't done nothin
Since I woke up today

How the hell can a person
Go to work in the mornin'
And come home in the evenin'
And have nothin' to say?

Make me an angel, to fly from Montgomery
Make me a poster, of an old rodeo
Just give me one thing, I can hold onto
To believe in this living is just a, hard way to go

i dont know what i want in my life right now. i dont know i dont know.
i think im gonna get my tattoo on my wrist tonite maybe the saying too i dunno.
i need it. i need that pain right now. i need to disconnect.

Current Mood:

indescribable

Leave a comment

08 April 2008 @ 08:18 pm

"im not a smart man but i know what love is"

i need trust in my life...
im tired of not trusting anyone. im tired of being lied to.

i need acceptance.
i want someone to love me for who i am.

i need reassurance.
that they wont leave me broken and in pieces.

i need patience.
i need comfort.
i need to feel safe.
i need to know that someone couldnt live without me..
and they dont want to live without me.

i dont know..i dont know if i feel it this time around.
or maybe im to scared to.

Current Mood:

confused

2 comments | Leave a comment

31 March 2008 @ 09:07 am

Writer's Block: Sick Day

What is your favorite thing about being sick?

View 500 Answers

losing weight and sleeping all day lol

Tags: sick day, writer's block

Leave a comment

30 March 2008 @ 08:06 pm

(no subject)

Faut souffrir pour être belle

i love this...i think im gonna get this on the back of my right arm..

Current Mood:

mellow

Leave a comment

27 March 2008 @ 08:23 pm

i am in love with this song..

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I....

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I....

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I....

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love

i dont know i dont know..my heart is torn and i dont know what to do..
i cant think anymore..im falling hard. i dont understand myself.
i need something else in my life..i need a solid base a foundation.
i am planning on a trip this summer i think alone with my two weeks from school.
i dont know yet. we will see.

more of an update later..im so tired i cant think straight.

Current Mood:

mellow

Leave a comment

Advertisement

Advertisement